For as long as I can possibly remember, I’ve always wanted to do everything all at once. I wanted to be the emotional equivalent of Wonder Woman. I’ve been like this since I was a child and it’s most likely some overcompensation of ability due to me being disabled.
In my sophomore year of college, I was diagnosed with depression. It was no surprise because I’d dealt with those feelings as a kid. However, I thought my depression would just go away with medication and I continued with school as if everything was cool. Except it wasn’t and that was proven when I failed out of school.
See, even though I was mentally ignoring my depression: my body wasn’t and for the longest time I wondered why I didn’t see the obvious back then: I was suffering from burnout. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I was maxed out as a human (as is common with mental illness)
Depression is a monster. So is college and I see now, I should’ve battled one monster at a time, but I didn’t because I wanted to maintain my Wonder Woman status. In life that happens, in the society we live in now; lots of people take on a lot and forget the word “No” exists. We go and go and go, but sometimes don’t realize until we feel like absolute shit.
My sophomore year is a blur, I can’t even tell you how old I was; I only remember certain (and sometimes painful) moments and in all honesty, a part of me is glad because it’s almost as if my brain protected itself from something I would still be hurting from. The only thing, I wish I understood was that my health was ten times more important than my education, I still would’ve graduated a year later like I did anyway, but I would’ve done it healthier.
Burnout sucks and for the sake of all sanity, you have to avoid it. It’s just tiredness or extreme fatigue, it’s aches and pains and not eating. There is only one of you on this planet, and no one takes up the slack of living for you, so take care of you, learn to say no to others and yes to yourself more often.