Welcome to the life of serial casual dating, commonly referred to as your “hoe phase.” One of the most frightening rollercoaster rides in the world, the hoe phase can be characterised by reckless actions, random sexual experiences, awkward text message conversations, and possible hungover mornings. It’s all a big game of trial and error, and sometimes you’ll hit the jackpot…. sometimes you’ll barely break even. Nonetheless there are a few things to keep in mind before embarking on your own.
First and foremost, let’s break down the title “hoe phase.” This term is often coined by women, fresh from a relationship looking to explore their sexual urges in the safety of a casual situationship. We jokingly refer to the action of participating in causal sex as being “hoeish” but in all actuality it’s a very real part of being a young adult. Sometimes you just want to have sex without having the formalities of a relationship. For men their hoe phase is simply called… being a guy. For women, we must internalise this idea that it’s inappropriate for us to be just as sexual. This of course is all a lie.
It’s okay to have sex, it’s okay to dress sexy, it’s okay to be sexual, it’s okay to have one nights stands. No, this doesn’t make you a ‘hoe’ by today’s standards, it makes you a pretty regular human being. (not to say you aren’t regular if you do not partake in casual sex. That too is your choice!)
Secondly, let’s remember that in order to win you must of course first play the game. Wanting casual sex also means putting yourself out there to receive it. That may mean actually leaving your couch on the weekends, finally DMing your Twitter crush, or maybe even finishing that Tinder profile you’ve been terrified of. You also need to shed that “Im not the chaser, I’m the chasee” mindset and be upfront about your intentions. Start the conversation, send the first message, walk over to him first, one of the great things about navigating your sex life is it can push you towards your own self confidence.
Third, in situations like these it’s important to be vocal about what you want. Since you are bypassing the whole relationship thing, there’s less time to hint at what you want sexually. Now’s the time to say it loud and say it proud! In doing this you will explore what you like, what you don’t like, and what you really want from a partner when you’re ready to be serious about one.
Keep in mind that communication is also a large factor. Sexual situationships can get messy if communication isn’t clear, which often makes things more emotional than you intended. Speak up if you need to, cut your losses if you need to, but also walk away if you need to. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
And of course last but not least: SAFETY, SAFETY, SAFETY. I’m going to say it once more just in case you forget:
ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX
Sex is risky, whether you’re in a committed relationship or open to having multiple partners. You have to prepare yourself for any situation, buy your own condoms, maintain your birth control routine, get your yearly Pap Smear, and regularly test for STDs/STIs. Also check the status of your partner! Your health always comes first, so practice your journey with casual sex in the safest possible way.
Whether or not you don yourself a “hoe” during this time in your life is up to you, but understand there’s nothing wrong with indulging in an active sex life. It’s your body, it’s your ultimate choice. So be safe, have fun, and get ready for the ride of your life! (both metaphorically and literally).