I began to transition back to my hometown Saint Louis, MO about 2 weeks ago. I had finished school at Georgetown University in December and had been looking for a job. Unfortunately, the job search was not panning out the way I wanted it too. I was either underqualified or overqualified and there was no in between. Not to mention most hirings are done in the summer months versus the winter months. It seemed that my timing and skills were off center. As a result, because my focus was not there, some of my other artistic projects didn’t get as much attention as they required. It was like the answers I was seeking just kept being no, like the doors just kept being shut, like relationships I was building were falling apart with no one to really blame, and like God just wanted me to be somewhere else.
To make matters worse my lease was up soon and I was running out of money that I had saved up or acquired from my refund. My options were plenty, but security was slim. Having a place where I felt like I could live freely without feeling like a moocher until I obtained a job was better than winging it to me. So I made the decision to go home. I knew that when my parents said I could live there for as long as I needed too, they truly meant it. I also knew that I needed to wipe the slate clean and start over. I’d been away from home since I was 18 years old… from school to school, BS to MS, Atlanta to DC. I never stopped long enough to really breathe I realized. I desperately tried to create this life for myself in every place that I went, but the reality was I never stayed in those places long enough to establish anything. A true rolling stone I was. So as I moved my stuff back home, a lot of thoughts went through my mind.
“I have two degrees why can’t I obtain a job?”
“I never wanted to go back home.”
“I’m grown living in my parents’ house. Blah!”
“My parents are going to get on my nerves… aren’t they? (lol)”
“I don’t even talk to anyone back home anymore.”
“What If I don’t find a job there?”
“Life as I know it is about to change.”
Well one thing is for certain, life for me is changing, but it isn’t as bad as I was thinking it would be. Honestly, it has been refreshing. Yeah, I’m still adjusting, but this is what I need. Since being back I’ve seen my family a lot more and shared some good laughs. I watched my big sister/best friend, Meka Harbert, live out her calling while teaching her kindergarten class. On occasion, she and I will also have girls’ nights at her house just to talk about life goals and what’s next. I started attending church in the physical again versus online. My thoughts are a lot clearer and crisper because I don’t have to worry about where I’m going to move or how I am going to pay bills at the moment. I literally get the chance to reexamine my life, reset the chess board, and make better moves.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no plans of staying with my parents or in the same state forever. This rolling stone life may never leave me until I’m ready to settle down. I just feel like there is so much of the world to see…so many more dreams of mines to fulfill. As a matter of fact, as we speak, I’m putting plans into motions so that I can obtain a job, pursue more of my dreams, and be out of my parent’s hair in a year or less. However, I now realized that sometimes you just need to revisit where it all started and get that reminder.
Sometimes you need people behind you who don’t mind you being in their space for long periods of time. Sometimes you need an extra pair of eyes that can look out for job opportunities and for you. Sometimes you just need to start over, regroup, and gain clarity to move a lot further than before. So listen, from me to you…whoever you are, wherever you are at, it’s okay to start over.